Love yourself.
This is the prevailing message nowadays.
But what if you don’t?
What if you struggle, daily, with the idea of it?
What if loving yourself feels like you’re being to asked to write with your non dominant hand, walk backwards, or feels as extreme as jumping out of a plane?
I feel it necessary to say:
You are not alone.
Also – if you struggle with self love – this does not mean you are a failure, or messed up, or broken. This means you are human. A human who has been told one way of thinking (self deprecation, criticism, even self loathing) educated in a certain way of being for a prolonged period of time. A person who is now being told that way of thinking is ‘wrong’ and in order to survive, and fit in, you must change it.
Seems a bit unfair and unrealistic if you ask me.
Our brain is like uncharted countryside. When patterns of thought are introduced and repeated, they create highways. Thoroughfares in the formerly untouched landscape of our grey matter. Over time and multiple uses, these highways become paved. Used daily, these well worn pathways feel like the only way to get from point A to point B.
And then suddenly, a highway crew of positivity pushers show up at roadside, telling you you’re going the wrong way. They tell you the roads need to be diverted.
Roadblocks are thrown up. Potholes are worked on. Whole city blocks are told to shut down.
If you’ve ever been stuck in traffic due to construction, you know how insanely irritating, exhausting and sometimes even unnecessary this work can seem.
It’s no wonder we’re left wanting to flip the bird at the whole damn process!
Is it any wonder you might feel irritability, displacement, agony and despair? When there is a place you long to be, a land of self acceptance you are told you SHOULD be and the roads you’ve been taught to use your whole life are NOT the way to get there.
I think it bears saying – that’s okay.
It’s okay if you feel frustrated by the message of self love.
It’s okay if it’s a new idea you are warming up to.
It’s okay if it feels bloody awkward and some days downright wrong.
It doesn’t mean you are broken.
It doesn’t mean self love is not worth pursuing.
However, it does take time. A great deal of time.
Just like highway reconstruction, or any kind of remodeling. As anyone who has remodeled their home can attest to – it always takes longer than you think.
As a fellow sojourner currently learning how to love herself, I can say with certainty, the task is not easy. But it is getting a bit less arduous.
So if you are all about telling people to love themselves. Tone it down a bit. The construction noise is loud enough.
