Perhaps, like me, your childhood included the reading of the whimsical Dr. Dolittle. A man who could talk to animals, leading to silly adventures galore.
One adventure of the beloved Dr. Dolittle included the discovery of a fascinating creature called the Pushmi-Pullu – A two headed “gazelle, unicorn cross” that had directional issues due to its unique anatomy.
With the stages of reopening edging towards us, I feel like the living embodiment of this mythical beast.
Feeling an irresistible pull back into the world, followed by an immediate internal push back inside the safety of home. The sirens call of seeing people, with the inevitable backlash of inner reserves running low because my social muscles have all but atrophied.
There is a very real desire to get back out there, see friends again, and gain a bit of momentum in life. For practical, career based ‘gotta make a living’ type reasons, the need to get out there is definitely real.
However, a large part of me is still yelling, “What the actual hell just happened?! Where do you think you’re going? You and the world just got the crap beaten out of you, and have a bunch of lessons you’re still in the midst of learning. Integrate these things. Take a knee!”
And so I listen to this voice, because it is speaking to the visceral tiredness I feel. A tiredness I think many of us may be feeling, having gone through a global pandemic. A pandemic that is quite far from over for so many parts of the world, to say nothing of the different variants emerging.
Garnering patience for ourselves and others as we face the task of re-entering life will be paramount. Going slowly where we can afford to will be key. We are hurdling through collective trauma. A trauma that sent us to our rooms to sit and think about what we’ve done.
And there was a lot of shit to think about.
Relegated to our homes, inequalities and injustices that have been brimming just beneath the surface, subdued by the rush, din and denial of our culture came surging to the foreground. This time, there was no turning away.
Glued to our screens we watched suppressed realities come screaming into mainstream media. For many, it was and continues to be the uncomfortable reckoning of so many issues that are far past their due date of ferociously deserved comeuppance.
What’s more – the resulting tiredness from all of this ineluctable upheaval is leading to apathy. Apathy that has the potential to quell the energy needed for urgent systemic and personal change.
Like many people, this time indoors caused me to take a long, in depth look at myself and some of my not so pretty patterns. I learned a lot. Some of which I did not want to learn. Most of which I am still coming to terms with. Lessons and restructurings I am clumsily attempting to apply in my day to day life. The process is slow, awkward, sometimes painful and very rarely rewarding. But after seeing the less than great nature of certain habits I know in my heart of hearts this change, even though arduous and very slow going, is definitely worth it.
I can’t help but observe how this reckoning and wrestling with imperative change on a personal level is the same for people on a societal scale.
The collective numbing and willful amnesia applied by certain groups towards blaringly bad issues like climate change, racism, the oppression of marginalized populations, and economic inequalities is akin to the defensive, self protective state of denial an individual will usually take when confronted with their flaws.
When we finally acknowledge problems and agree to their mending, we are so used to instantaneous results in our fast paced modern lives, we seem to lose patience for gathering and then following the elements needed for sustainable change. Some of those elements being;
Acceptance, integration, sustained application and grace.
Acceptance and accountability for past and current wrongs. The often messy integration of new information into our daily lives. Sustained application of these new ways of life. Also, coming to terms with, and surrendering to the inherently uncomfortable nature of change, and doling out huge amounts of grace as we dive into the deep work.
The time it takes to understand and then apply knowledge that generates productive transformation usually takes much longer than we are ready to admit or commit to. Plus the simultaneous slow unlearning of so many ways of life and thinking that no longer serve us individually or as a species. It’s a slow, not so easy process. However, most things worth doing are usually difficult.
If you’ve ever done inner work to alter long standing patterns of behavior, you know the large amount of effort it takes on a physical, mental and emotional level. The same can be said for change within groups. The individual is a small representative of the whole.
Change is often hard. It takes time. But if we are to evolve and improve, it’s a necessary privilege and a blessing disguised as discomfort.
What troubles me is seeing things racing back to “normal”. Traffic on the highways is increasing, people in essential service jobs are being taken for granted and disrespected so soon after we took a second to realize the necessity and integrity of their work. The patios that for so long lay dormant where we now have the privilege of dining, I’ve already witnessed servers being verbally abused by patrons. Governments and individuals continue to pay lip service but minimal footwork when it comes to issues like global warming, racism and economic disparity.
It’s so ominously easy to slip back into bad habits.
We cannot un-see what has woken so many of us up to the unsustainable nature of our way of life. We are catapulting towards destruction. Am I being too dramatic? I don’t think so. I have no problem using this more consequential language. When you look at the scientific evidence of the prolific impact humanity has on planet earth, we are royally fucking up.
The pandemic was a warning shot across our bow. One that brought immense loss and continued pain. And as foreboding and doomsday-esque as this may sound, I have this deep gut sense that the next shot will hit much closer to home.
This is where the balancing act between acknowledging the error and consequences of our ways, with the effort and hope needed to make effective change starts to come into play. How can we face the dark without losing ourselves within it?
One answer could be; not rushing back to what was……
________________________________________
Our home has one of those daily calendars. The ones you tear away a new page each day, revealing a wise, insightful quote. Just the other day it shared the following:
‘That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach.’ — Aldous Huxley
My heart dropped to my knees. A wave of sadness bordering on despair washed through me. And yet, I had to turn towards hope. Some of us do learn. Some of us do make changes. That is made evident by the many people I see actively fighting for positive and progressive ways of life. However, if we study history and the habits of humans, we as a collective do not have the best track record, which is all the more reason to try harder.
And so I let the “push me pull you” inside me have its tug of war. And right now, I am inclined to let it push me back inside to keep doing the work. It is the gritty, unglamorous, un-instagrammable work that I know I must do as I simultaneously edge my way back into the world at a realistic pace. This means re-entry will probably be slower, because energy is being reallocated to fix things on the inside.
If done in a more enduring way, change usually looks like two steps forward, one step back. Allowing for the messy readjustment period. It is one thing to say “life is not linear” it is another to live it’s winding, unpredictable pathways. Accepting the very real fact of having little to no control over so much of what we experience, while also accepting responsibility for the things we do have control over; our thoughts, our actions and our plans for the future.
If you’ve made it this far, you’ve endured some pretty intense rhetoric. *air high five*
But let me reiterate; I still choose hope. I have to. Or my days will be dark, and the aforementioned apathy, as well as a sense of helplessness will destroy my will to affect change where I can. I choose to learn from, follow and interact with people who seek and teach progress, positive change and big picture thinking.
I must hope.
I hope we can act immediately while giving ourselves the patience needed to integrate the lessons we’ve learned during our intermission indoors. I hope we can treat one another with grace and kindness as we all bumble back into the world, like newborn deer finding our feet. I hope we keep learning the lessons needed to save ourselves and our existence on this planet. I hope old and new generations can join forces and use our combined energy, wisdom and power for lasting change. I hope….
(Now go back and read the last paragraph in Morgan Freeman’s voice. ) Choose to live in hope.
Post Script: People to consider following for hope and progress
