….the ones that change your life and don’t leave you hungry.
I was visiting with a friend the other day. My buddy was exasperated, telling me about a loved one who wanted to do what they wanted, when they wanted, however they wanted. They didn’t feel like they were embodying that ubiquitous, rather glib catch phrase “living my best life”.
In my friend’s frustration they exclaimed, “Do you know anyone who lives like that!? I don’t. We can’t just do whatever we want, whenever we want! What if I just stopped doing the crappy stuff?”
I agreed with my buddy wholeheartedly. What would our lives look like if we straight up didn’t do things that annoyed us. More importantly, what kind of person would we become if we just had everything handed to us? Pretty sure I’d be the privileged human equivalent of a flaming dumpster.
Don’t want to pay taxes but still want free healthcare? — Cash only lifestyle, baby!
Don’t want to go to the dentist but still want baller teeth? — Gold teeth on point, fam!
Don’t want to go to work but still want all the money? — Sugar baby goals ya’ll!
Don’t want to work out but want that bangin’ body? — Sedentary lifestyle with a lot of liposuction – problem solved!
If the above alternatives seem like viable options…I know some really great therapists I could recommend.
Either that, or have a look at the next Niyama I’d like to discuss in this series; TAPAS, and I dont mean small plates – platitos
Tapas is badass. Mainly because it translates into FIRE. But there’s a catch. Before we can harness this fire, we have to do things we may not want to do.
Tapas is the idea of self-discipline and attainment of will power. To wit – it is the act of doing something you do not want to do, that will have a positive effect on your life.
Chances are, getting up early to go workout is not on the top of our to do list. Saving money may not come naturally to you, but ultimately it is a peace inducing financial habit. Not having that third glass of wine isn’t easy, but your head and body will thank you profusely the next morning if you forgo its sirens call.
Resistance creates strength. It also creates friction. Friction can produce fire. When we resist temptations we know to be negative, and instead choose to build habits that will lead us in more beneficial directions, we create an internal fire; a pure energy that sustains and then builds upon itself.
Building this fire takes time, but once that bonfire gets going, it’s warmth and energy has the potential to burn up negative influences and ignite new paths of peace and potential adventures.
Sounds exciting right? Sounds like we’ve nailed the “living our best life” formula doesn’t it?
Hold your hipster horses there, Ashton! Let me tell you a little story.
Let’s take a look at self-discipline.
I have no student loans. I earned a full ride athletic scholarship to a division one University in the States.
Notice I did not say free ride.
When people find out I received a full scholarship, they sometimes say with a hint of snarkiness, “Must have been nice to get a FREE RIDE.”
I have to try very hard not to punch these people in the throat. (namaste)
It was not a FREE RIDE.
If you think getting up before the sunrise starting at the age of 15, twice a day workouts, countless blisters and bloody hands isn’t payment? Think again.
Shoulder surgery at the age of 18 to lock your joint into place. Crying, and writhing in agony on the bedroom floor because you can’t stand the effect of oxycontin post-surgery. So you forgo heavy pain killers. 3 years of seemingly endless, painful physiotherapy to regain range of motion in that arm.
Torn hamstrings, sprained ankle, emotional meltdowns, shouldering the responsibility of team captain. Resulting body dysmorphia and never, ever feeling good enough having lived in a culture of being told you can always be better. The harsh mental legacy of this intense sports world still haunting you to this day.
Dedicating your life to a sport that leaves you in so much agony, you sometimes black out in the middle of a race from the amount of lactic acid and oxygen deprivation in your muscles. And yet, it is a feeling and a sport I will love until the day I die.
I am not sharing this to gain pity. I am not sharing this as a humble brag either – as the late great Dizzy Dean said, “It ain’t bragging if you can do it”. I’m sharing it to say I wouldn’t trade this pain, these experiences for the world.
This pain, these disciplined actions and sometimes hard results, are tapas that serve me to this day. They created a productive fire, a pattern of behavior and a knowledge of not only my personal strengths, but also the strengths of others. I went through all of this with teammates. People who would often excel past me, making me marvel at the capability of the human body and spirit. Collective fire and tapas is the most amazing thing to take part in. I can still feel the connection of our bodies and souls as our oars would rip through the water in unison. Very few feelings surpass this.
Tapas is not just physical, it manifests on a spiritual level as well. That indescribable energy you feel when you are in the midst of something difficult but also rewarding. It’s that white pain you feel in your thighs when you’re holding chair pose for what seems like an eternity.
Give it time and this encounter with productive discomfort and acts of self discipline will become, not even joking — addictive. It’s when we encounter “the burn” that we know change is taking place. Good change. Change that simultaneously strengthens our wills and softens our egos.
Tapas lies in all of us. We just need to call upon the will power to start the fire. It might be a small flame at the beginning. We all have to start somewhere.
So let’s “live our best lives” by doing the things we don’t want to do. Sorry to burst those millenial bubbles, but that’s how it works. (disclaimer I was born in 84’. I’m an old millienial, so I can say shit like that.) In our heart of hearts, we know these things are good for us. Eat your spiritual broccoli, and watch your super powers soar.
