Being sick sucks.
It’s super fun when your bed and your couch are your two main spots of residence. Movement between them is filled with reluctance. The worst is when you realize you forgot your water or medication on the bedside table and you’re already on the couch. Getting up again feels impossible. You start to think moving objects with your mind would be a great talent to acquire right about now. If Dr. X can do it, why not you? So you try. To no avail. In keeping with the superhero theme, you start to think maybe you were bitten by a radioactive spider. This fever and hallucinatory state is just the precursor to superhuman, ‘spidey’ strength!
After 8 days of going to bed hoping to wake up the next morning blessed with an air brushed six pack and 20/20 vision with no results, it’s become clear I am not the next Peter Parker.
Nope. Just a fully exhausted 32 year old woman with a possible case of strep throat, paired with fever and tonsillitis. Who is also pretty confident that by the end of this illness, she will have found “the end of Netflix”.
Luckily for me, my life is filled with superheroes. Over the past week I’ve received an amazing outpouring of support. So many offers to bring soup or tea, friends and fellow teachers changing their schedules to cover classes. I’ve received well wishes, drives to the health clinic, late night calls from mom, texts from friends, Facebook messages from students and friends, emails, Instagram posts of encouragement have made this sickness tolerable. I even had a student leave sivasana, follow me outside after I finished teaching and went into a severe coughing fit, to bring me water and rub my back. My heart broke in that moment.
I will be honest. I broke down today. I spent a good 15 minutes balling my eyes out over the phone to my dad. It was a legitimate ugly cry. My body feels like the villain in this. Relegating me to utter uselessness. My physical yoga practice has consisted of me lying on blocks and promptly falling asleep on said blocks. My mind is worn down, tired and depressed, not being able to do the things I love, and see the people I care about. I do realize my body is only trying to get better. But at this juncture, crying feels really good. Because sometimes, you’re just sick of being sick.
I thought about not writing today. My self pity tried to say being bloody tired is a good excuse. Even so, writing is a healing release for me. I decided I didn’t want to take that away from myself. Truthfully, my reason for writing this blog (besides venting a little) is to say a huge thank you.
Thank you to all the superheroes in my life. Your kindness and understanding are keeping me going. Thank you to my body for fighting the good fight against the real villain – the illness. At times like this I think of people who are chronically ill. The ones who wake up feeling terrible with no end in sight. The people fighting diseases with no known cures, or precarious cures at best. Those are the real superheros. When I think of them, I realize I really have no right to complain. This broader perspective is key to staying sane.
Health really is a beautiful thing to have and to hold.
I encourage you to fight for it. Fight for the health in your mind, body and soul. Be your own superhero and take incredible care of yourself. There are no guarantees that we will stay healthy even when we do “everything right”, but at least we can say we tried.
Put on that extra cozy cape, don that antibacterial mask, and take the very best care of you that you can. You’re worth it. Just like there’s only one superman – there’s only one you – so take care of you xo.
