I love getting manicures. This never used to be the case. Back in university, the idea of getting my nails done was absurd. When you row every day, your hands are so blistered they look like you may be suffering from leprosy. You don’t tend to do things that draw attention to your nails.
Being feminine wasn’t something I actively sought out. For years I was an athlete. I worked my body and mind to the point of exhaustion, sweating to the point of pain, and triumphing over my own limitations — I f*cking loved it.
And then I broke. In more ways than one. My heart, mind and body came to a crashing halt. I had a long road to recovery with yoga playing a major role in that process.
This past weekend I felt a coming back to myself. Although I was kayaking (and any rower will tell you it is NOT the same thing) I was still on the water, feeling the run of a boat, the sound of the oar dipping into the water, the feeling of blisters forming under the skin, the sweat, the deep ache in the muscles and rich, green nature all around. I felt a calling back to my former self. Paddling awoke the part of my soul that could only be touched by the elements of water, nature, and the run of a boat as it slices through a glass like surface.
Bliss. Even with blisters, it’s still utter, and complete bliss.
I started to remember all that I accomplished in those days. My memory spurred on by my buddy, whom I was at the cottage with, asking me questions about rowing. I got to describe the sport, the lifestyle, the technical terms, what a 2000 meter race felt like and, “What exactly is a hard 10?”*** An odd phrase if you’re unsure of its meaning. (see below)
This past week I had let my manicure grow out. For the first time in several years my nails were bare and my hands deeply blistered.
After paddling, I did yoga on the dock. I was able to settle into an energetic rhythm honoring the moments in the practice when I needed rest, but also able to call on the rower in me when I wanted to hold the pose for longer. Admittedly, I have eased off a bit in my physical practice of yoga and learned how to restore, rest and slow down. However, I forgot how good it felt to get that deep rowing burn. That burn, both during and after, brings a sense of satisfying peace.
I came back to my blister-handed self. The rower in me was awakened. I am grateful for who she was, what she accomplished, and how her determination shapes me everyday. Her recent awakening has instilled in me a new sense of confidence by revisiting old accomplishments. I forgot how f*cking hard that sport was! (click here to read just how crazy it is) But I did it. And I did it very well for over a decade of my life. My heart still aches for that sport.
Once a rower always a rower.
Now, in my thirties, the drive I harnessed as a rower has been dispersed into all areas of my life. It used to be a drive that pushed me to amazing physical accomplishments and sometimes exhaustion. Now, through the wisdom of yoga and the practice of asana – this energy is used to maintain, enrich and renew my life. Rowing was my yoga in my teens and twenties. It shaped who I am today. Yoga helped me harness that strength and realign it with new purpose.
See if you can recall a thing that once brought you great joy. A thing that helped you discover who you were. Close your eyes, be in those moments, and feel a coming back to self. Let it infuse your life with the purpose of past accomplishments. If you have a yoga practice – let it inform your movement on and off the mat. Let who you were continue to be a part of who you are now.
*** Hard 10 : Rowing ten strokes as hard as you can in an attempt to pass the crews beside you during a race. Hurts like the dickens 😉
