What annoys us in others, is usually something we don’t like about ourselves.
This is uncomfortable, yet consistently true.
I try to apply it to my daily observations, admittedly with reluctance. If something someone does or says rubs me the wrong way, if they do something that makes me shift into full on Judge Judy mode I try and catch myself……take a breath….and then ask the question
“Okay, sassy pants, what about this scenario reminds you of you?”
It usually takes a brief 5 to 10 seconds for me to identify the guilty behavior I harbour in my own bag of quirky personality tricks and habits.
Lately I’ve noticed an irritation rise in my body when I watch students try to predict the next posture in a yoga sequence. If I spot someone rushing to the next step of what they know is coming or what they THINK they know is coming I have to catch myself from saying really Zen things like,
“Hold your horses there Missy!”
“Where’s the fire yo?”
“Got ants in your Lulus?”
“Do your best to participate, try not to anticipate”
“Take it one pose at a time”
(I’ve used the last two quotes in the occasional, rushy vinyasa class)
The truth of the matter is – I am so rushy. Once one thing has come to completion, I immediately want to know what’s next. I become anxious not having something to focus on, or in most cases distract me from the task at hand.
And what is the task at hand?
Learning to be still.
As we come to the close of class I like to remind students (and really this is a reminder to myself because this is my struggle) this whole physical practice is to bring us to a state of being comfortable with stillness.
We move, bend, hop and lunge so we can lie down and let sh*t go. We do it so we can sit, be alone with ourselves, and essentially learn to put up with ourselves, all our quirks, habits and behaviors.
The stillness also gives us a chance to look honestly at these habits and decide if they are serving us and others. It gives us the space to choose change.
If you’re like me this stillness also brings the habit of self beratement. However, there is a marked difference between being honest with yourself, and being hard on yourself. It is a difficult lesson to choose the first option. Being hard on yourself wastes energy and gives us the excuse to stay as we are, chastising ourselves with belittling thoughts and leaving no reserves to make useful, healing change.
But if we trust that we are worthy, and instead choose to be honest about our habits, then we are approaching change from a state of grace and patience. The results will be much better, even joy-filled. I’m not saying change is easy. Nope – it’s still harder than a chatarunga, but it is the only constant we have in life, so we might as well learn to work with it.
I love yoga because it won’t let me off easy. It has made me realize if I don’t like something about someone else,
It’s not them it’s me
The classic break-up line we use on others ends up calling me out. It asks me to sit still and take a look at what is in need of fixing in me.
So the next time you’re in downward dog and something someone did or said pops into your brain making your muscles clench – realize you’re in a pose that has you looking back at yourself, your body, your legs, and dare to ask the question,
“What about this reminds you of you?”
You won’t have to wait long for an answer. When the answer comes (and it will) deal with it with grace in the stillness.
