While reading a book, I encountered a phrase that got me thinking;
“Imagine yourself as the best version of who you are…”
Despite my discomfort with the words above, it helped me realize something rather important. It seems I no longer believe in “the best”. For me, the concept of “the best” is something I am slowly letting go of.
I’ve come to think of “the best” as a representation of what we believe to be the most wonderful thing within that moment. It is the greatest according to the information we are aware of at the time. Who knows what we’ll discover tomorrow?
How long did doctors think blood letting was “the best” way to rid the body of disease?
How many people had to die before we realized smoking was not “the best” way to relax?
How did people make it through childhood during an era that considered lawn darts to be “the best” family fun?
To me, the highest plain of existence will be when I can sit still and rest. To simply be. To no longer give into the illusion and pressure of the best.
In yoga this is called Samadhi – higher level consciousness. I haven’t found it yet. Hardly at all. I’m closer to finding the end of Netflix than I am a deeper plain of consciousness. But I’m trying. One less binge watch at a time.
Of course there will always be tasks to accomplish, goals to pursue, things to correct and improve upon within the self. But life isn’t just about the attaining of these things. To me – these goals can quickly become oppressive.
To me, life is more about being within, and witnessing the process.
Being within the process with grace, humility, awareness, and a heck ton of patience.
I barely know how to put together a decent outfit. How the hell should I know what the best version of who I am looks like? Nobody needs that kind of pressure.
One thing I do know? I am constantly changing. The circumstances I live within are constantly changing. The only way I can even consider integrating the overly used word “BEST” into an ever changing scenario is to use it within this sentence,
“F*ck the best, try the rest” – To expand upon this pithy and dynamic wording let me explain. Within this phrase, rest is two fold;
- Try everything else that is not considered the best. Look at the things that have been cast aside. The not so pretty, the ugly, the undesirable, the rejected, the unspeakable – this includes the stuff within yourself you’re not a fan of.
- Rest. Just rest. Stop trying so damn hard and just be.
We live in a culture of accomplishment. We live in a dualistic mindset that is constantly quantifying our existence based on goals, bank accounts, social connection, social media followings. Who has the most? Who has the prettiest? Who has THE BEST?
F*ck the best. Try the rest.
Try everything in between. Try the world that is incredibly varied, the people that are less likeable, less known. Try the tricky, icky, sticky stuff.
What is THE BEST in one culture, is decidedly not THE BEST in another.
What I would much rather spend my time doing is looking for the beautiful within the rest of the world. And by beautiful I don’t mean the things that are obviously gorgeous or easy to look at. No. Looking for the beautiful in scenarios that are not so easy.
Like sitting at your grandmother’s bedside in the hospital, knowing it will be the last time you see her. The beauty of her soft white hair as it brushes against your cheek in the last embrace you will ever share. Her paper thin skin, it’s fragile texture as she runs her finger along your forearm for the last time.
Beautiful. Rest in that.
Like watching a bus load of people show up at your cousin’s funeral. Even though he was taken too early, too young, so many coworkers loved and respected him they had to hire a bus, a god damn bus, to get them all there.
Beautiful. Rest in that.
Like the moment you get a fateful phone call from a University who has agreed to give you a full rowing scholarship. Your arm is in a sling, you’ve had shoulder surgery at the age of 18, you’ve been told you are damaged goods, but no sweet child. They still want you.
Beautiful. Rest in that.
None of those moments were the best. In fact, they were all tinged with agony and drowned in tears. But it was the rest. The everything else in life. The imperfect moments where brokenness reveals beauty. Where, if you’re looking, you can see the stunning nature of life especially in the midst of tragedy.
So no. I will not try to envision the best version of myself. Instead, I will rest knowing that life, myself included, is most beautiful when it is broken. Life is most beautiful when you let go of the best and live in the rest.
Come and join the rest. Come and be at rest.
