I am illing today. My brain is the consistency of applesauce, but I didn’t want to miss the chance to post one last time in 2016.
Right now there seems to be a collective “WTF 2016??” going around. With the recent passing of George Michael and now the venerable Carrie Fisher, the world is holding its breath, waiting to see who else will be taken before the clock strikes midnight on Saturday.
A lot of craziness went down this year. With Brexit, the US Election, and so many amazing entertainment icons passing away, 2016 will probably go down in history as a ‘not so nice’ turn around the sun.
Sitting here on my couch sick as a dog, it’s easy for me to give into this mindset and join the chorus of “Screw You 2016!!” And trust me I have — I fired of a few “f*ck you 2016” texts to friends yesterday when I heard of the passing of a hero I held dear to my heart. Ms. Carrie Fisher, may your legacy of true to self living, feeling and writing continue on in my generation and generations of women to follow.
But this anger is making me tired.
Maybe this is the cold and flu talking. Sickness has a way of breaking us down and distilling our thoughts. If I was healthier I’d devote a good chunk of energy to fist shaking at the heavens. But life seems to have a different plan today.
It has been terrifying watching world events unfold the past several months. But fear, when allowed to run rampant, is like a mischievous playground bully; breeding contempt and isolation in the schoolyard. I still feel both anger and fear, but learning how to deal with them and use the intense energy they bring to make things better is a skill I’ve been working at harnessing. The “force” that they bring, so to speak, is something we can tap into.
Carrie Fisher put it beautifully,
“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow”
Fear can slowly be worked through. I’ve realized it is the precursor to progress. If I don’t feel some sort of fear, then it’s a sign that I don’t care. But if my heart is in my throat, or my fist is clenched and ready, I care.
In the past, I would sometimes let that care fizzle out. But not now. The care born of fear and uncertainty inspires me to move, to reach out, to try. And you know what? The beautiful Ms. Fisher was right. The confidence does follow.
I want to leave the world a better place and as the truest version of who I am. So I will use the fear that 2016 planted in my heart to change for the better in 2017. I want to use the lessons and the history of this year, to inform my approach to next year. Cold’s be damned, I will write my truth and strive to live it everyday. The force is with us – how will we use it in 2017?
(This post is dedicated to the incomparable Carrie Fisher. May she rest in peace.)
