A big part of yoga is self observation. Having practiced throughout my twenties and into my thirties, it’s afforded me the opportunity to watch myself change over some rather tumultuous times. Nobody tells you the total craziness your twenties truly are. It would seems things start to finally normalize a bit as you get into your thirties (thank goodness!)
As I’ve learned to watch myself through yoga, traits and habits have become apparent. One particularly annoying trait is perfectionism. Many people struggle with the “P” word and the unrealistic expectations it breeds. It’s an icky mental affliction that needs to be overcome. Learning to be okay with messing up, falling down, and not quite having it figured out yet is a constant lesson in life. Because truthfully — no one has it figured out….ever.
For years I’ve heard people say to me, “You’re too hard on yourself!” I would partly agree with them, and yet I would always be irritated with this phrase. A part of me didn’t feel like I was being too hard on myself. I couldn’t quite figure out what irked me about this accusation of tough self love.
After a nice long yoga practice and journal writing session earlier this week it hit me;
“It’s not that I’m too hard on myself, it’s that I’m kind of a jerk to myself!”
Wait, what? Aren’t they one in the same? Upon deeper inspection, not at all.
Here’s what I mean;
When it’s all said and done, I feel capable. After the fears and doubts subside, deep down I know I have what it takes to achieve realistic goals I’ve set for myself. The key word here being “realistic”. I don’t need to conquer the world, I just want to take it one day at a time. Even if things don’t work out the way I planned, I know I have the ability to give it my best shot. At least I can say that I tried.
The game changer lies in my “self-talk”. I realized I’ve been talking to myself like a real bully.
Case in point, when I’m practicing yoga, on rough days it might sound like;
“You should be able to hold handstand for longer by now!”
“Oh for the love of – again with the tight shoulders in downward dog??”
“Hey! Hey yoga teacher – BREATHE! You do this for a living? Good grief.”
This translates to negative self talk off the mat as well;
“You did it again! Did you really need another over priced coffee? You ridiculously privileged, coffee addict”
“Oh my sweet goodness Jelayna, did you actually say that outloud?? That person is looking at you like the idiot you are.”
“No one wants to come to your classes. No one’s going to come. Put yourself out there and nobody will care.”
We all struggle with negative inner voices. For some, the struggle is more intense than for others. Thankfully there is hope. Taking the time to observe your thoughts whether it’s during an extra long downward dog, a contemplative stroll through the city streets, or in your day to day interactions with family and friends, you’ll be able to tell pretty quickly if you are your own best friend or your own worst enemy.
Striving to be better in and of itself is not negative. However, if the striving is filled with negative thoughts, and self berating mindsets, then it can become a toxic journey. It won’t matter if the outcome is success or failure. If your mind was treating you like dirt the whole time, both results will lead to the same outcome; you still thinking you’re dirt.
Of course some days will be better than others, but through patient self observation be it through yoga or self reflection, infused with the belief that you are worthy of self love, the overall tone of your days can change bit by tiny bit.
Speak to yourself as you would speak to your best friend. As you lay your mat out to practice, when you take on a new task at home or at work, when you achieve something you’ve been working towards for a long while – tell yourself you’re worth it. Give yourself an internal high-five and remember; be kind, there’s only one you.
