Dear Teaching,
I woke up today sore and tired. But a good tired. You know that tired you get after a full day of intense work? The kind where you fall into bed and bed feels so damn good because every last ounce of life was used? That kind of tired. It’s all because of you.
When we hung out yesterday the laughter wouldn’t stop. Remember all the smiling faces, warm hugs and bright eyes? The thing is, you know how hard that can be for me to receive, and yet you insist on sending it my way.
Why do you do this? Why in the moments where I feel so alone, so at odds with myself, you step in and won’t let me go down that road of loneliness or self destruction? I want to just sit and wallow in my sadness. But you’re always telling me there are more important things to do.
It’s really annoying when you do that. Just thought you should know.
I want to blame and thank you in the same breath. You exhaust me, but you fill me up. You tear down my self-built barriers and in front of me I see the well-being of those around me. You stretch me to the point where I don’t think I can take it anymore. Right at this breaking point you show me the vastness of potential that lies in myself and others.
I really hate it when you’re right. Bloody know-it-all.
You see, I’ve fallen in love with you. For better or worse, I need you in my life. The funny thing is, you’ve shown me that love isn’t all about sunshine, roses and good days. It’s also about suffering, sacrifice, the laying aside of my easily bruised ego and seemingly insatiable need for affirmation.
In its place you’ve shown me how incredibly good it feels to lift up others when they have been bruised or beaten. You’ve shown me how satiating it is to give affirmation and love instead of seek it out.
You constantly show me in giving we receive.
But most of all, you get me out of my own way.
I am so insanely in love with how you show me everything I need, everything the student needs, is already there. It already exists. All I need to do is draw attention to what already exists – their strength, their abilities, their own self love. And then I get to witness them discover it. I am privy to that incredibly precious moment where their eyes light up and their souls are set on fire, because they just discovered what lay dormant inside of them. The very thing they were looking for was sitting in their hearts.
I love how you show me it’s not about me.
It never was.
It’s about love. It’s about so much love.
You make me a better person.
And so yes, I’m tired.
I’m sore.
I’m achy.
But I would rather ache in my entire being and fall into bed at the end of the day exhausted, than miss one day without you in my life.
So thank you, from the depths of my broken soul.
See you tomorrow, my love.
