I lay in bed last night unsure of what to write about. I had been thinking a lot about the year coming to a close; its contents, triumphs, failings, and pivotal events. It was starting to feel like a bit much. My ego would start to puff up at the good memories and shrink at the bad ones. My desire to do better, go further and ‘conquer’ so to speak the next year started to creep in. Before I knew it, I was an anxious ball of worry concerned about 2 and 5 year plans, taking on the world and finally overcoming bad habits!! I could do it all in 2018…right?!
The resounding and very freeing answer of course is, “NO”. Feeling the burden of progress begin to lift from my shoulders, I decided to instead make a list. I love lists. There is nothing so satisfying for a type 1 on the enneagram than ticking off list items – a thrill better than bungee jumping for this kid.
The list I decided to compile was one of gratitude. The little, big and in between things I am so grateful for in 2017, and life in general for that matter. Sometimes I’ll begin a yoga practice with the intention of repeating things I am grateful for as I move from posture to posture. The result is better (and cheaper) than therapy. So here it is. A list of things I am grateful for in 2017, and every year (in no particular order):
1) Coffee – but seriously, I am so grateful for this black magic. It is something I have everyday, and I do my best to never take this fantastic elixir for granted. Without it, I’m pretty sure I’d have no friends because I’d turn into a monster. Also, I’m certain I would get nothing done and probably still be living at home with my parents trying to “make it” in the world by drinking green tea (ew.)
2) Quiet mornings at home – this is salve for me. It is so healing starting the day a few hours early. Easing into the world with book passages, warm cups of coffee, note writing, ted talk watching, netflix episodes, class planning, yoga stretches, cardio sessions. My absolute favourite is making a cup of coffee and taking it back into bed with me – THE BEST.
3) Family – My rock, my love, my inspiration, the people who simultaneously encourage and challenge me. They drive me crazy and yet keep me sane. They know me the best, better than I know myself, and they still put up with me. They constantly say they love me. So weird, right? I would be 100% lost without them. I quite literally owe them my life. Especially you, mom and dad – literally and figuratively xo. My sister and I share a quirky, and in my opinion, brilliant sense of humour. She is a sister and a friend – which is a precious combination. We have our ups and downs, but I never worry, because we will always fight or laugh our way back into one another’s hearts.
4) Warm towels fresh from the dryer: Are you kidding me with this awesomeness? The amount of goosebumps and good feels I get from wrapping myself with a towel that is still pulsating heat from the dryer is a 13 on a scale from 1 to 10. Having a crap day? Fire up that dryer and stick some towels in it. When you hear that dryer ding – create a human burrito of blessed warmth and kiss your worries good-bye!
5) Friendship – I don’t know where I would be without my friends. Probably lying in a ditch, or wandering aimlessly through the streets. Maybe a bit extreme of an outcome, but that is how much I’m grateful for my friends. The support, love, time, laughter, memories, meme shares, road trips, phone calls, dinners, late night Facebook messages – I really could go on and on, but I won’t, cuz my friends remind me I sometimes talk too much.
6) Yoga – a shocking confession to be sure. Many of you are probably floored by this revelatory mention. Even so, I am so exceedingly grateful for yoga. I am grateful for the practice, philosophy, perspective broadening, soul fulfilling, purpose giving nature of yoga. I am also so blessed by the amazing community of people it has brought me in contact with. Like minded souls, teachers, students, clients, studio staff all fill my days with such meaning and joy.
7) My Apartment – my itty bitty castle, my home, my place to disappear and feel safe, cozy and somewhat invisible. It is where I go to recharge, regroup and reassess. It is where I rest, play, cry, create, and sometimes hide. I only invite those I know and trust into my little corner of the world. I treat it like a sacred space. And, more to the point, without it, I’d be homeless. So there’s that. No joke, there are so many nights I crawl into bed and am suddenly overcome with deep gratitude for the fact I have a bed, running water and a home to rest in. This is nothing short of a miracle.
8) Pedicures – as a tom boy who scoffed at the idea of getting my nails done for the first 28 years of my life, this has become my guilty pleasure. Terribly risque I know, but for a kid who didn’t know what a cuticle was until she was 18 years old, it’s quite scandalous. The feeling of having your feet cared for and made to look a little less weird than feet already do is, I think, something to be grateful for.
9) Quiet walks in the morning and evening – these are my sanity strolls. I leave the house with no intention of going anywhere specific. The only thing I’m in search of is peace of mind. I walk until things in my brain begin to calm down and I can feel my heart beat once again. I am so grateful to be mobile enough to walk for hours on end until I can come back home with pieces of my self found along the way.
10) My niece and nephew – Although they fall under “family” they deserve their own category. These two children have my heart. They have become, and are becoming two incredible little people. The way they see the world and interact with it keeps me humble and slows me down. My sister and brother-in-law are doing an incredible job raising these two phenomenal humans, and I marvel at their abilities. Plus they crack me up more than the best comedians could ever hope to. I really think they deserve their own Netflix special.
11) Fellow Yogis – this category includes teachers, students and clients. The people I have the privilege of interacting with everyday. The people who inspire me to keep trying, keep learning, and against my nature, keep being willing to open up and let others in. Clients that leave me in stitches of laughter we have so much fun. Students that quietly share their lives with me at the end of a vulnerability inducing class. Students who have become friends and support systems I could never have dreamed of. Teachers who floor me with their skill, grace and unceasing knowledge. My world would be bleak without you.
12) Writing – Ironically, it is hard for me to find the words to express my gratitude towards writing. This form of expression helps to unload my heart when it is too full, be it with joy, sorrow, mundanity, ache, desire or frustration. It allows me to sort out my thoughts when they are tangled in knots of worry and rumination. It gives me a place to find my true self. The self that both astounds and scares the living daylights out of me with her abilities, shortcomings, strengths, weaknesses, and beauty. I would not know her well were it not for writing.
Twelve is a good round number, however I am happy to say this list could go on and on for a good while. Instead of continuing this list, I invite you to continue by making your own. I am currently sitting at home in the apartment I love and am grateful for feeling much better as a result of compiling this list. Gratitude really is a practice, but like yoga it is worth it.
“I really regret listing the things I am grateful for” – said no one ever.
So happy end of 2017! May the next few weeks be filled with moments of gratitude, grace, awareness and love.
