I just got back from a weekend in Muskoka.
Lymphoma Canada organized a beautiful weekend of yoga, cooking classes and spa treatments for a phenomenal group of women who committed to the cause of raising awareness and money for cancer research. I was lucky enough to be their yoga teacher for the experience.
It was a good weekend.
Scratch that – a great weekend.
I stayed in a hotel in a room with a view that literally brought me to my knees. I walked into a space bigger than my
condo, overlooking a stunning landscape and burst out laughing because it was just too beautiful to be real. I laugh at inappropriate moments – like weddings, funerals and “pinch me” moments.
I had the chance to teach women who were devoted to their own health and the health of others. I walked by a calming lake, strolled by determined daffodils blooming in the cold, listened to water lapping against a dock. It was surreal, serene and healing. After months of feeling tired to the core of my being because of mono, it was just what I needed
The thing I found the most surprising? How much I loved just being in my room. There was a spot about three feet away from the fireplace (I had a fireplace in my room!!) I could have sat there for hours.
I laid out my yoga mat and woke up early to practice. I stretched out on that mat late into the night, watching the shadows dance on the ceiling, stretching, breathing, feeling the waves of heat wash over my toes that sometimes got a bit too close to the grate.
This was my favorite spot out of the entire weekend. I could have easily stayed there the whole time.
And then I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I knew there was so much to do, so many things to see at this gorgeous resort. Yet all I wanted to do was lay in front of the fire.
Maybe you have this issue too. I call it “the should”. The annoying asshole who lives in the back of your mind constantly telling you you’re not doing enough. The nagging notion whispering you “should” do more, you “should” be out living life, moving, accomplishing, DOING.
This weekend I wasn’t having it. I sat in front of that gorgeous fire place and told “the should” to STFU!
I knew I needed this restful time. My body and mind were craving it.
So I stopped. I stopped wasting time feeling guilty, turned on my favorite classical music and let my toes get a bit too warm.
I think “should” is potentially one of the most harmful words in the English language. It can steal so much joy from us. It berates us, tears us down, makes us feel inadequate and causes us to doubt. Yes, it can motivate and push us forward, but it can also destroy us out of sheer unrealistic expectations.
Learning to silence “the should” has been a lifelong struggle for me.
Thankfully, this weekend I was surrounded by strong women devoted to self care, a picturesque landscape, a welcoming fireplace and a king size bed (a king size bed?! Who’s life is this??) This weekend it was much easier to silence “the should”.
Find what lights your fire. Find what warms you from the inside out, find what heals you and do it. Tell “the should” to STFU and let what you love light you up.
